January 2012
15 posts
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On Being Italian.
Being a second generation Australian from an Italian heritage means a lot of things. It means good food, raised voices and a lot of cousins. It also means the women in your family hold completely irrational worries or fears about literally everything.
Like right now.
My parents have gone away to Sydney for three days. Now, regardless of the fact that Anthony and I are aged 18 and 22...
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Why I'd Make The Perfect Wife.
I throw all my clothes into the laundry basket, clean or dirty, in hopes that someone else will deal with it.
I can cook. Two things. Fried eggs and Two Minute Noodles.
I burned a chocolate cake once.
I also burned microwave popcorn.
I had to iron a silk shirt so I called my mother for step-by-step instructions.
No matter how hard I try, I just can’t get that ironing board down.
I...
I suffer from this condition called creeping. It’s not contagious or remotely dangerous to my health, but it could be said it is likely to cause problems.
Creeping happens when I’m asleep, but my body likes to think it’s awake. I’ve played with iPads, taken twenty minute phone calls and gone down stairs to pour myself a drink of water WHILE on that twenty minute phone...
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While watching the Deathly Hallows Part 2
My mother on Severus Snape:
“Oh, that guy. He’s been in it since the first one right? He’s probably the main character you know.. Seeing as he’s been in it from the start.”
…it’s not like the movie is called “Harry Potter” or anything, mum.
Sigh, the old generation just don’t understand.
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Mirror Mirror On The Wall
Who is the fairest of them all?
Kristen Stewart. Mirror.. are you freaking kidding me? Have you seen Charlize Theron? I mean.. CHARLIZE THERON.. you’re comparing Kristen Stewart to the marvel that is Charlize Theron!?
Mirror be crazy.
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The Forgotten Tale of the American Flag
Back in October, while I was in New York, Anita and I decided to take a day trip to Woodbury Common Premium Outlets, which was about a 45 to an hour bus trip away from Manhattan. To pass time, we decided to play a game. The flag game. It’s a kind of eye-spy type game if you will, which revolves around the American flag.
Basically, the rule of the game is to look out your designated window...
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December 2011
10 posts
“I was standing, you were there. Two worlds collided and they could never tear us...”
– INXS
ITS MY BIRTHDAY!
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I’ve mentioned previously that I work in a supermarket which involves a level of customer service. I’m polite and helpful, and overall pleasant and senior citizens seem to like this about me. Today, one lady took it too far by asking me to marry her son. She went as far to pester me for my phone number, even though she faced rejection after rejection. She wasted half an hour of my...
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November 2011
31 posts
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So, it's the first day of summer
And it’s raining.
Shape up Melbourne, this is appalling. I did not come home from rainy London for this.
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My Thoughts on Twilight in Dot Point Summation
Never have unprotected sex with a vampire or else you will die.
Bella is an idiot for choosing Edward over Jacob. Um, HELLO?
However, Jacob is a total kiddie toucher with the whole imprinting on a baby thing.
Wolves are fucking badass.
The Cullens are not badass.
Bella is the most uncreative person in the whole universe. Re: baby names.
Bella is totally inappropriate. You can’t be...
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Britney may have been a head case
but at least she gave her two children normal human being names; Sean and Jayden.
I mean, she could have gone with “Peroxide Moonshine” for her spawn, but she chose to stay classy. Britney, I salute you!
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George sweared he got a bogie flavoured one once!
One of the highlights of my trip was walking through the gates of Hogsmeade at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios, Orlando. I was so overwhelmed with wonder and happiness, I just had to share it with everybody, specially my family at home. I decided to buy my two little cousins a gift, one packet each of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans from Honeydukes.
Tonight, our...
Cause I See Sunset In Your Eyes.
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If you could only see the beast you’ve made...
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“I just want to sleep until you wake up.”
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Socially Acceptable Reason To Punch Someone In The...
The ”Inappropriate and Obnoxious iPhone User.”
Tonight, I had the pleasure of watching my little cousin Tori perform in her dance recital. We had a great view of the whole stage, right in the middle. Darkness falls, curtains open.
Enter inappropriate and obnoxious iPhone user.
The IAIU is generally male, in their mid to late forties who think that having an iPhone means that...
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"How to be a 20-Something Year Old" words by Ryan...
Be really attractive. Your acne is gone, your face has matured without having wrinkles and everything on your body is lifted naturally. Eat bagels seven days a week, binge-drink and do drugs: you’ll still look like a babe. When you turn thirty, it’ll become a different story but that’s, like, not for a really long time.
Reestablish a relationship with your parents. You don’t live with them...
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Textbook Commitment Phobia
I bought this really awesome bookmark from the Met in New York, then realised I don’t read books. I want to put this bookmark to good use so I decided I should read books, and maybe educate myself a little more.
But, I am a commitment phobe. What has this got to do with reading you may ask? Well, I can’t commit to a book. I often walk through bookstores aimlessly, looking at all the...
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Socially Acceptable Reason To Punch Someone In The...
The “Invade your personal space on airplane” guy.
You’re on a 13 hour flight from Dubai to Melbourne and you just want some sleep. You look down at your ticket, damn middle seat. That’s okay, maybe you’re travel buddies will be cool strangers?
Enter personal space on airplane invader.
It starts with the slight movement of their elbow, slowing inching it’s way...
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Idiot Mademoiselle
It may be a little melodramatic, but I think my heart is broken.
Sitting on my bedroom floor, sorting through my suitcase. Perfume purchases; Burberry Body, check. Gucci Flora, check. Coco Mademoiselle, uh.. wait, where is my Chanel perfume?!
Yes, I left it in my hotel room in London and I am devastated about it. I’m going to buy a bigger bottle at full price in Melbourne, just to teach...
“And I’m home.”
– Melbourne, you haven’t changed a bit.
“There is no such thing as truth, only perception.”
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In another life, I would make you stay so I...